so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
