We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
