Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize