eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do vagina's smell?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
