Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize