birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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