did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
