Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
