Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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