I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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