Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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