No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize