She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
