my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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