i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
