debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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