he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize