thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
