I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
