Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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