Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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