I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize