I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
