I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
