The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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