I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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