That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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