Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sarcasm needs its own font
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
