Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
