its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
