How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
