Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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