If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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