Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
