so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
