I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
