The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
