Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
