capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
