i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
