Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
