So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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