i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
