What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
