Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's no shave November. This is our time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
