ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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