no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
