Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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