I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
