HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
