So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
