Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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