You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
