Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
