Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
