in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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