i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
