my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
