Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
