i think i have herpe
just one?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
