I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize