My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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