Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
