I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
FUCK WHALES
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
