The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
