He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
