I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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