she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize