doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
