the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
