I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
