Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
