I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
