Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
