If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
