Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As shirtless as possible
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
