she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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