Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
handjob tips. give me some.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize