I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
