You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
