I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
