I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
