Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize