Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
