woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
