If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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