You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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