You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
