So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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