They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
