she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
did you just send me my own nude
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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