I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
