So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We got so high we made milksteak
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
