Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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