It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
