Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
