So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i would punch a child for taco bell
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
