he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
