atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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