That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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